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zombie apocalypse

How are you preparing for the zombie apocalypse?

This is a practical guide, none of that repetitive nonsense like “you need to know how to run”. Like: seriously dude? 

Seriously? If the person doesn’t even know that, he can even relax those zombies only like brains. Today you will see the madness (crazy?) that some people do to prepare, like building underground houses and special cars. 

There are even those who live just to prepare for the zombie apocalypse! And to top it off, learn 3 of the main concerns in a zombie apocalypse:

1) being prepared, 2) having a safe place to stay, and 3) being able to get around in style (and safety).

Let’s start like this: You’re there, in case reading this exact text and your friend appears saying: “Man, that flu they announced on TV is driving patients crazy, they’re running away from the hospital and attacking everyone on the street!” Before you even realize he isn’t joking, you hear a scream. Your heart races and you run to the window: outside the neighbour is being attacked. Two people are eating him alive! 

First question: what do you do? Have you thought about it? After locking the window tight (if it’s on the first floor) and running, where would you go? What would you take? While you are right there reading this text, at the risk of being caught unprepared, there are a lot of people thinking. Lots of. Not just crazy zombie geeks, even the government of Canada has already warned citizens (more on that below). Let’s stop bickering and go find out what they’re doing and what we can do. 

1- Get ready

It sounds silly, but being prepared and having a plan in mind sure helps. In the situation I made up above, did you know the answer about what to do right away? No? In the meantime, you could have been dinner. Before you think I’m a lunatic: 

what if it just happens to be a warning that a tsunami is brewing? Or that an army invaded the country? Or an earthquake?

The bad news: I don’t know if this is exactly bad news, but there are enough reasons for this to be a problem. Unless there’s a top secret service in the country with a nationwide anti-zombie plan, we’re pretty unprepared. We don’t have access to weapons (not legally), and we’re not used to creating emergency plans… 

The history of governments of the province of British Columbia, the third largest in the country, decided to call attention to emergency measures in case of all kinds of problems: tsunamis, floods, and earthquakes (…), which in essence are similar. And what better way to get attention than with a survival manual for the zombie apocalypse? I even prepared my board, because it will be my best chance in case of a tsunami around here.  They give you lots of tips, like what to do for the first few days and what to pack and escape route. They even made videos. 

Another problem is the lack of access to an emergency kit. I know most people have no idea where they would find one. Honestly, I didn’t ask any Canadians or Americans if they would know.

Let’s be honest: if you don’t have a kit at home when it happens, the most it will do will be to break into a store like this and steal. Tip: Write down the address of the closest ones on your escape route, because of course you already have an escape route, right? The name of this is preparation, the main base to survive in any kind of apocalypse (including college entrance exams). 

There are websites just to discuss the best escape plan, videos on which weapon to use and the like. Some I will introduce during the month, but in the meantime, you can enjoy 

Zombie Hunters. Their job is to prepare and teach others to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. 

2- Where would you run?If all goes well, nowhere. I mean, if all goes well or if you prepare your escape house.

According to the internet, this is the only truly zombie-prepared house in the world. Is your neighbour barbecuing in the backyard? Press a button and that’s it, you’re safe and sound. Or at least that’s what you hope…  

How Are You Preparing For The Zombie Apocalypse?

It seems that she is practically impenetrable. Unless a crowd of people who don’t give up are never trying to get through the wall (depends on the type of zombie, maybe it’s so isolating they don’t even realize there’s a snack in there). But as a last resort, you would need a plan B. So what do you think about hiding in an underground condo in a renovated missile silo? 

At least Larry Hall thought it was great and paid $250,000 for a place like this. Then he renovated everything and put each floor up for sale for $900,000.00. I’d tell you to run but all floors already were sold. Even Umbrella wasn’t that quick. 

The place even has a theatre, swimming pool and bookstore. If the zombies want to beat this apocalypse, they’d better start digging. On second thought, we’d better start digging our own silo too. If you like to innovate, don’t want to go underground or dead or don’t remember where you put the shovel, there are still other options. I found a site with the architecture/design of a safe place competition. If this Vagabond existed, it would be a revolution.

As a last resort, everyone runs to Celine Dion’s house (see last). Tip: don’t go by ship.

3- And how would you run? Now is the time for you to answer “with your legs, duh“. While you’re in the dun, I’m going to get the key to one of these below. 

Okay, I’d prefer this one to any other VW, but let’s face it, it’s not exactly the best option. I was going to stay on the first curb. There you are with the maiden, in the big car, speeding down the road and… a lot of cars on the way. As much as you can push one or the other, the time will come when yours will stop. Result: you, in the middle of a bunch of cars, being buried by a bunch of zombies… At least you found the princess. 

I could say more, but I found a video that explains everything and teaches you how to upgrade a car. Even if you don’t know English, you can understand what they are doing. As a last resort, I did a summary later.

To get around you need a car that can go over a lot of things and travel over more than one type of terrain. In addition to being protected and with space to take someone else and supplies. Unless you’re crazy, you’re only going to use the car to carry something somewhere. Like your family for a safe place or food for stock.

If you haven’t followed the previous steps and you’re driving around looking for salvation with a bunch of people, the car in the video is ideal: showing a common type, easy to find, big, that doesn’t consume that much gas, with an opening in the loud to communicate and kill zombies. Now if you are going to prepare now, you can choose.

I had liked Knight XV on the list and then I saw that it was built for the zombie apocalypse! I just have to see how its speed is and the problem of being too big, but it’s definitely one of the best options. I still take a shot at Batman.

Okay, now I think you’re ready. 

And myselfI’m already getting ready, I had my house built for emergencies.



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