Where and how to poop outside? The Ultimate Guide!

Well… today, we’re going to relax a bit.

In survival, we imagine ourselves with our small knives and headlamps surveying mountains of rubble while eating ballistos, but we forget a little too often the basic things of everyday life.

Have you all ever found yourself on the weekend in a city far from home, from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m., out shopping and visiting museums? So you remember that moment when you go to drink a coffee to go and deposit your donation in the welcoming toilets of a tourist bar!

The day you don’t have a choice,  that’s when you’ll say to yourself: “He was right mat, it’s not easy to settle down to poop outside…”

My experience

When I was young, I sometimes made camps in the middle of the forest with only a toilet for a hole of 15. Believe me; this is not where you will be able to learn the Brico Dépôt catalogue by heart…

I sometimes also roam in the mountains with complete autonomy, with instructions to leave no trace. Believe me; it’s not easy to poo in a bag at 2,000m altitude with izards as neighbours and rock as your throne.

I, therefore, advise you to try now simple and quick methods to poop outside!

My advice

Method #1: Poo behind a tree

• Choose a solid tree but not too wide, just enough to hide your silhouette.
• Then, a simple concept will be necessary to differentiate the front from the back of a tree. Well, yes, we always say, I’m going to poop behind a tree.
• If you are alone, all the sides will be the back of the tree because you need an interlocutor to define this notion.
• If you are 2 or more, the back of the tree will be the opposite side of your interlocutor.
• Once your position is established, check that you can be calm and serene for the next 3 minutes.
• Drop your pants and stand facing the tree, then kiss the tree (with your arms, not your mouth, otherwise, I would have said embouchure) while squatting.
• Move your butt back as far as possible from the tree. – Do a poop.

Method #2: Poo in a ditch

• Arrange 2 planks that can support your weight in a V across the ditch
• Pull your pants down and sit towards the tip of the V, with the tip in front of you between your legs.
• Leave your legs in the air if the ditch is deep or on the edge of the ditch.
• Do a poop.

Conclusion

As you can imagine, all this is not very serious, but it raises 2 important questions:

• Am I sure I’m ready to give up my little comfort?
• And perhaps a slightly more serious question: am I aware that this almost daily, simple and natural gesture is not so for millions of people? Who suffers from constipation and has neither access to running water (and drinking water) nor even toilets…?